It’s so easy to write a nice, new, clean blog post, get a few likes and feel motivated. But then the next post gets ignored, so what’s wrong with you lot? Or more importantly what’s wrong with me? I’m writing this for me, putting it on here to make it real but it’s funny how a little encouragement helps: someone in Arizona likes what I wrote. Wow that makes me feel better! The point is I want to get better, stop going round in the same circles and have to learn to keep going even when it feels like I am struggling and no-one is listening or helping. Gosh, that sounds really self indulgent, but I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself. My health hasn’t been great and I’ve been worried about it. I had a busy work weekend and this week I haven’t been able to lift myself up, get on with it, talk sense to myself. I just need to keep going, keep doing the same things so they become good habits so I can leave my bad habits behind. I have to work at this, even when things feel tough.
The main focus of my adult angst has always been my weight: I have spent months being “good”, getting to where I feel comfortable, only to spend ten minutes there before finding the elasticated waists at the back of the wardrobe. As I get older I am discovering more and more about myself, I feel kinder to myself, more compassionate about the things that have happened to me, more able to be as nice to myself as I am to others and yet I am quickly knocked back, consumed by self doubt, feeling that I am going back to the beginning, again and again. But surely the truth, and what I should be telling myself, that I am slowly getting better, these are small steps forward (even the relapses) and I should believe in myself. Isn’t that what this blog is all about?